lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
