Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
