im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
