Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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