I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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