Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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