then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Watching her eat just hurts me
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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