He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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