How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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