I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
