i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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