So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he fucked my hip out of place.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
