she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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