I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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