cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
