Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
