honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
