Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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