here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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