I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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