I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
