If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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