Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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