Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
