You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
im holly from the hills drunk
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
