Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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