Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
