I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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