this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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