I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
