a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
