I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
