cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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