Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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