Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
