I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I love having hate sex.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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