Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Be still, my beating vagina.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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