i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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