I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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