i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
