I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
