she was so not down for the gang bang
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
