I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
home. puking in laundry basket.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
