i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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