yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
