idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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