My first STD was from a foam party
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just forgot I was standing up.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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