i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
