Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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