you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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