I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
