my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
